You mention a couple little sticky points. Why are the men of God, Patriarchs at that, such wimps that they lie about their wife being their sister to save their own skin? What kind of example is that?! Yes, and imagine what it does to the relationship with their wife? How can you honor and respect someone like that?
I've always felt for Rebekah, she knew the prophesy that the older would serve the younger. She heard that Issac was going to bless Essau (and knew he would leave no blessing for Jacob?).
Did she know Issac was far from God's will and was it God's plan for her to intervene?
What's a Godly woman to do, sit back and watch her husband disobey God and affect future generations as a result?
 

Catherine mentioned a good sermon on the twice-repeated wife-posing-as-sister story. I think the guy gleaned a lot of good stuff out of it.

I'm a little wary of talking about how Abraham and Isaac's escapades would have affected their relationships with their wives. The ancient near east was a very different culture - by our standards horribly misogynist. I imagine they honored and respected their husbands because, among other things, their husbands had authority to have them burned alive if they deemed it necessary (like Judah nearly did to Tamar).

Even given all this, it is still hard to see Abraham and Isaac looking all that good. They act like cowards - not confident in God to protect his chosen family from the powers that be. Despite all this, the story shows God humiliating the established nations on behalf of this wandering caravan. The God-of-the-underdog theme keeps coming back.

As far as the woman acting - well, so far it is hit and miss. Sarah's attempt to move the promise along by her own efforts lands them with Ishmael. Rebekah, on the other hand, ends up moving things in the right direction. Of course, we would rightly disapprove of her deceitfulness, but focusing on this sort of thing can distract us from the larger picture of what God is doing.